Anger is the Smoke. The Fuel Lies Beneath.

You’ll often find that anger isn’t really about what’s happening right now. Gaining mastery over your inner state – your thoughts, feelings and behaviours – begins with noticing how your internal world influences your choices and reactions. When anger flares up, it’s usually a sign that something deeper inside needs attention, not just a response to what’s in front of you. By learning to regulate your inner state first, you’ll find it much easier to return to calm, think clearly, and act with purpose in line with your values.

Anger is usually a surface emotion covering up something else. Beneath it, you might discover feelings like overwhelm, fear, exhaustion or simply stress on your nervous system. When things feel unsettled, your mind may start producing reactive thoughts – not because they’re necessarily true, but because you’re wired to protect yourself. That’s why mastering your state is so valuable: by calming your body first, you create space for clearer thinking and more intentional choices.

Strategies

Name the State

Before your thoughts start to race, HALT. Stop everything. Take a moment to identify your current state out loud – for example, “I’m feeling agitated,” “I’m tense,” or “I feel under pressure.” Simply naming your state disrupts the automatic reactive cycle. This shift brings you from a place of subconscious reaction into conscious awareness. Recognising how you feel is the first step on the journey to mastering your emotions.

Delay the Reaction by 90 Seconds

Research shows that emotional chemicals reach their peak for just 90 seconds. If you can pause – whether that’s holding off on sending a message, making a decision, or reacting – for that short period, the entire experience shifts. This practice isn’t about avoiding your emotions; instead, it’s about letting that chemical surge subside so you can respond thoughtfully, with clarity and perspective, rather than from a place of urgency or instinct.

Start with Your Body

Start your shift into a positive state with your body first, instead of your mind. Try letting your shoulders drop, unclench your jaw and take a long, slow breath out. This gentle exhale sends a message of safety to your nervous system. As your body starts to relax, you’ll notice your thoughts softening too – frustration fades and a sense of clarity starts to return.

Question Your State, Not Your Story

Many people tend to ask themselves, “Why am I thinking this?” – but that’s not the most helpful question. Instead, try asking, “What state am I in that’s giving rise to these thoughts?” When you shift your state, your internal narrative often changes on its own. Recognising this subtle shift can help you avoid up to 90% of reactive behaviours and self-sabotage.

Create a Calming Habit

Choose a simple, comforting action – like placing your hands over your heart, stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, taking a slow, deep breath or gently closing your eyes for a moment. Whenever you notice tension starting to build, pause and try your chosen cue. The more you practice this, the more quickly your system will learn to settle itself, helping you feel less reactive and more emotionally resilient. It’s a small habit, but it can make a big difference.

Conclusion

State Mastery isn’t about suppressing feelings or forcing positivity. It’s about understanding that your state determines your story, your thoughts and your behaviour. When you shift the state, everything downstream becomes easier. Anger softens. Overthinking dissolves. Decisions become cleaner. Presence returns. The more you practise self-recognition and state regulation, the more powerfully you lead your life. Master your state, and you master your outcomes.

Ponderings

• What state most often triggers my reactive patterns?
• Which early warning signals does my body give me?
• What does “regulated me” feel like in the body?
• Which small calm cue can I start using daily?

Calibration Call

Step Out of Fear and into Power

Life often moves fast and even the most ambitious individuals can feel stuck, uncertain or overwhelmed. Maybe you’ve been making progress but feel off course, or perhaps procrastination and self-doubt are holding you back. A free 15-minute Calibration Call can help you reset, refocus and realign with your goals.

This isn’t just a conversation – it’s an opportunity to clear inner resistance, regain momentum, and step into clarity. Whether you need to overcome procrastination, shift your mindset or rediscover motivation, this call can provide the breakthrough you need. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Think of this as a powerful reset, giving you the clarity and confidence to take action. No pressure, no obligation – just a chance to realign and move forward. The shift starts the moment you decide to make it happen. Book your complimentary Calibration Call today and take the first step toward your next breakthrough!